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Last Modified on: Mon, 19 Nov 2001



This is an exert from a radio interview with Kerry Riley for the Body, Mind, Spirit Festival.

You need to be careful during lovemaking that you are not just performing to get a result. A lot of men nowadays are so focussed on their woman's orgasm that they only enjoy sex if their woman comes. That's not good lovemaking.

Women tell Diane in her women's workshops that very often they feel pressure from the man for them to come. This puts pressure on them to try to make it happen which, in turn, creates a resistance and they can't relax into their orgasm. It feels forced.

I'm not suggesting for a moment that you shouldn't care about your woman's pleasure. It wasn't that long ago that your average man didn't even know a woman could have an orgasm. They were not concerned about whether their partner enjoyed sex or not. They just wanted to get off!

As an aware man I'm sure you have passed beyond that. The problem is you may have gone too far the other way.

A good lover learns how to receive pleasure as well as give out pleasure. Many men don't show their joy, they are too busy trying to get their partner to orgasm.

One way of showing more pleasure is to make more pleasurable sounds during lovemaking, instead of only at the end, when it's all over. We all love it when a woman makes sound and you can feel her ecstasy and pleasure. Well, women like it too! They like to hear and feel your ecstasy.

If a woman can feel and hear you are receiving, a lot of pleasure from making love with her, then that gives her pleasure also. It's more likely to draw her orgasmic energy towards you. This is only one method of encouraging the woman's energy to flow towards you.

The ability to receive and cause sexual energy to move back and forward between you and your partner is a skill of Tantric lovemaking. Once you learn how to do this, then the next time you find yourself trying to push your partner to orgasm you will know how to reverse the direction and instead of pushing you will be able to gently draw her opening sexual energy towards you.

As you alternate between giving and receiving your partner will be able to experience waves of sexual bliss moving back and forward throughout her body. Most women do not get to experience this degree of pleasure because men don't know how to create it.

These practices of giving and receiving sexual energy are covered in the Tantra Goddess session.

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